Girlsarehornytoo
life, lust and living with four dudes from a female perspective

Jun
13

Hokay. There are some basic things you need to know about bondage/BDSM before we start.

  1. BDSM is a pretty broad term. If you didn’t know, it stands for Bondage, Discipline/Dominance, Submission/Sadism and Masochism. Actions within this category can be anything from a bit of spanking during sex, to a full out 24/7 slave master relationship.
  2. No matter what you’re thinking of doing, if there is even the slightest chance you or your partner might get seriously injured from it, you must follow the BDSM rules. Which are SSC; Safe, Sane and Consensual. Never engage in rough play unless you’re following all three of those rules.
  3. People who are into BDSM generally sort themselves into two categories; Doms and Subs. Dom is short for Dominant, which means that they prefer to be in charge in bed. Sub stands for Submissive and they like to have someone else calling the shots and telling them what to do. Obviously it’s a bit more complicated than this, but in the simplest terms, most people lean towards one more than the other.
  4. There are about a million different sub-categories in BDSM. They range anywhere from the fairly common, like feet fetishes, to the totally creepy, like infantilism. However, there are generally two distinct Simple Categories of BDSM; Physical and Psychological. Physical would mean you literally enjoy the feelings of, for example, pain, pleasure, or discomfort that your partner brings you. Psychological would be enjoying the idea of, for example, dominating someone else, the feeling of having them submit to you, or enjoying being in control of the sexual situation. Most people are a bit of both.
  5. People who live this lifestyle refer to people who do not engage in BDSM play as “Vanilla”. This term can also be used to refer to sex, as in, “We had vanilla sex last night. He stared deeply into my eyes and told me he loved me while we were in the missionary position.”

Hokay. Now that we have the basics down, we can start exploring the Vanilla’s Guide to BDSM. Although there is a significant part of the population who “live the BDSM lifestyle,” most men and women would never be interested in taking it to quite that level. On the other hand, lots of people (especially women!) have fantasies involving light bondage.

I personally am extremely interested by the idea of Bondage, leaning more towards the Sub than the Dom side of things. However, my boyfriend, G, is the exact opposite. Aka, as Vanilla as they come. So this post will be an attempt to give Vanilla’s struggling with a partner who wants to explore BDSM, an easy, hopefully not too intimidating, beginners guide to pleasing their lover.

If I’m a Vanilla, why would I want to try BDSM?

This is an awesome question, one that G and I have been bouncing back and forth for most of our relationship. The easiest answer is because it makes your partner happy. BDSM isn’t really about abuse, or causing your partner pain. It’s about being sexually generous. You get to display how ravenous you are for your lover’s body and can tease and tantalize them without requiring reciprocation. While your partner is tied up, you get to prove that, at that moment, you’re in this purely for their pleasure. Plus, if you have a partner who is asking for your dominance or submission, it means that they are asking for a level of trust that some couples never achieve. Not to mention that BDSM can be incredibly erotic for both parties!

How to get started??

Okay all you Vanilla’s out there! The first thing you need to do before you start “playing,” is talk to your partner about it. Communication is KEY people!

Some important questions to ask are:

  1. What are the things you’re interested in doing/having done to you?
  2. Do you prefer to be a Dominant or a Submissive?
  3. Is there anything you would be uncomfortable with?
  4. What should our safe word be?

Once you’ve decided that the two of you are ready to start playing, you should agree to some ground rules with your lover before you engage in any sex games. For example, not inflicting any deep pain, not leaving marks, setting a time limit to playing, and designating roles ahead of time. Make sure the basic boundaries are set so you know when you’re pushing them further!

Okay, I am now totally freaked out! This is all so overwhelming!

Not to worry dear Vanilla’s!  To help you feel less overwhelmed, let’s start out with some easy beginners exercises and tips.  Whether you are the Dom or the Sub, or take turns being both, there are sexy benefits to both sides of the coin.

My partner wants me to be the Dominant, now what?!?

If you’re the Dominant player, you have the starring role. You control the actions, the pace, and all the fucking. It is important to keep your orders short and simple, to highlight the aloof and controlling character you’re portraying. But don’t go overboard and just start barking orders at your partner. Sex games are supposed to be enjoyable, not humiliating. Some good orders to give are:

“Give me your other end.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Get on top.”

“Crawl over there.”

“Open your legs.”

“Fuck me now!”

Or, if you’re a more gentle leader:

“You’re being very pleasurable tonight. Good girl/boy.”

“You look beautiful on your knees”

“You may take me now.”

“See how excited you get me?”

While the dominant player does a lot of commanding, they also get to do a lot of touching, kissing, sucking, and fucking, which can be an incredible turn on. Of course doing all the “work” comes with its own benefits. For example, you can take the initiative and undress your lover as quickly or slowly as you’d like, and pretty much do anything you might have been hesitant to try during normal sex.

Other suggestions for the beginner Dominant are:

1. Try to keep in character as you tantalize and tease your lover, make sure your touch is firm, but not rough.

2. Take pride in what you’re doing. Make your lover say “thank you” after you perform even the tiniest tasks: “Thank you for nibbling my ear,” “Thank you for sucking my penis,” etc.

3. Masturbate in front of your lover as if you were alone. (This is one of my favorites, it never fails to turn the other person on!)

4. You can either take the active role as the dominant player and fuck the submissive, or you can order the submissive to fuck you. Either way has its benefit, and it’s fun to experiment and see which you like best.

My partner wants me to (eek!) be the Submissive! What should I do?

Being the submissive in BDSM play isn’t necessarily about submitting to your partner, it’s about submitting to your own pleasure and trusting them wholeheartedly. It takes a confident and independent person to willingly surrender control of his or her own body. But the pleasure and satisfaction that is associated with giving someone else the reins to your arousal is (at least in my opinion) unparalleled.

One of the fun things about being the submissive is getting to wear sweet costume stuff. You may be a bit hesitant to try these at first, but let me assure you, it really adds to the experience and helps both parties get into the swing of things.

1. Collars: (One of my favorites!) These are the ultimate symbol of ownership. But remember, wearing a collar does not signify degradation; in fact it can confer a feeling of being cherished. You can purchase any collar at a pet store or specialty shop. If the collar thing doesn’t work for you suggest a ribbon collar or a choker. Have your lover kiss your neck before putting it on you, to affirm the affection behind this sexual symbol.

2. Stilettos: It is a simple fact that no one can run fast in spiked heels, so these sexy accessories reinforce an idea of temporary helplessness. For girls, it’s a surefire way to make your legs look awesome, and make you feel super sexy. For guys, who doesn’t want to see their girl in a pair of killer heels?

3. Corsets: These laced up numbers make your boobs look bigger, your waist look smaller, and your man drool. What’s not to like??

4. Handcuffs: Accessories like faux-fur lined handcuffs, leather bracelets, and gold bangles all give the illusion that you’re being held captive. Often the image alone can get your partner all fired up. If you’re worried about not being able to get out of them, there are tons of other options, like silk scarves, or stretchy “handcuffs” that only bind your wrists together.

Of course, the submissive role isn’t about just lying there looking pretty. Try speaking up, a little dirty talk can really make the play that much hotter. Try saying things like,

“I like to be held down when you fuck me,”

“I really love it when you pull my hair and make me go down on you,”

“Please tell me how naughty I’ve been.”

Use your imagination!

Try asking permission before you do anything …

“Can I put you in my mouth?”

“Can I suck you long and hard?”

“Can I make you cum?”

“Can I lick you here?”

Try playing a sexy variation of Simon Says. If you forget to say “Sir” or “Madam” any time you speak or make a request, your lover gets to give you a spanking!

Hopefully you can now see how much there is to gain from taking the passive role! Not only do you get to allow yourself to be super affectionate to your lover, you also cultivate your sexual skills and gain practice in the art of giving pleasure as an end in itself.

Of course, there are numerous levels of BDSM, and the riskier variations definitely ignite some serious sexual fireworks. Beyond the basics lies sex that is a little more crazy and kinky, though not any less sensual.  If you think you might be ready to jump in the deep end, here are some of the most classic XXX-Rated scenarios:

1. Tie up your lover and drip hot wax on key areas of her/his body.

2. Force your partner to spend an evening at home, completely naked, for your viewing pleasure.

3. Wear a strap-on dildo and fuck your lover until he begs you to stop.

4. Explore more extreme types of bondage, immobilizing arms and legs.

5. Sit in the Reverse Cowgirl position as you make love, and have your partner whip you to keep the momentum rocking.

I hope this little beginners guide to BSDM was helpful to anyone who is curious, of has a curious partner.

Good luck, be safe, and stay sexy!

It was so big I almost gagged…

That’s what she said!

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Mar
19

I’m finally back! I know it’s been a really long time since I last posted, but as usual, life got in the way.

The post today will be all about squirting. I recently discovered, much to my initial distress, that I’m a squirter. Or, to be more precise, a combination of squirter and gusher.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, squirting is considered to be “female ejaculation.” Where the woman literally ejaculates liquid from her urethra.

From all my research, and observation of my own body, I can pretty confidently tell you that it’s caused by stimulation of the G-spot. The G-spot is (apparently) located right on top of the female version of a prostate gland, also known as the Skene’s gland.

What happens is that when you stimulate your G-spot it causes the tiny female prostate to swell and fill with fluid. Many women say that they often feel a need to pee when they near or reach orgasm. This is from the pressure of the fluid in the Skene’s gland. However, female ejaculation is NOT pee. Let me assure you, I was freaking out the first time it happened thinking that I had somehow peed myself when I orgasmed.

Happily, after some experimentation, I came to the definite conclusion that the fluid is in no way the same as urine. It doesn’t smell like pee, although it does have a distinctive musky odor. It’s clear, or slightly cloudy, has a watery consistency, and according to G, is more of less tasteless. Plus the feeling is quite different than the one you get from urinating.

If you type squirting or gushing into Youporn, or Pornotube, or whatever your personal site may be, you get videos of girls who shoot fluid distances of five feet and over. Personally that’s never happened to me, I tend to literally squirt only when I’m incredibly turned on. Most of the time I’m what’s referred to as a gusher, in that the fluid literally gushes or pours out instead of squirting.

Now that I’ve finally started to accept and get comfortable with this surprise my body decided to pull on me, I’m starting to notice more things about it.

For example, i’ve discovered that squirting and cumming are definitely not the same thing. I can literally squirt indefinitely, so long as there is stimulation, in bursts of about every 30 to 60 seconds. An actual orgasm, however, is much harder to achieve.

I’ve also noticed that if G is in a particularly evil mood, I can end up making one hell of a mess of the bed. You think you have “wet spot” problems? This takes it to a whole new level. I now keep two extra sets of sheets for emergencies, and we try to put a towel down as often as possible. And sometimes even that doesn’t keep the bed dry!

On the plus side, squirting feels amazing. Imagine the feeling you get just before you’re about to cum. That feeling that you’re about to die because it feels so good. Now imagine that lasting until your partner decides to stop. It’s insane. Plus, every once in a while, the stars will align and I’ll reach Nirvana. Aka, a blended orgasm. In other words, having a G-spot and clitoral orgasm AT THE SAME TIME. It’s fucking insane. I now know why sex is called “the little death.” I think I die of pleasure a little bit every time.

Luckily for me, G has been so good about this. He was so supportive and understanding the first time it happened and I was freaking out, and has been nothing but awesome about it. Not to mention he openly gloats about it when I’m lying in a semi-comatose state after he’s made me lose count of how many times I’ve squirted.

All in all, I’m finally coming (no pun intended ha ha) to grips with this whole squirting thing, and even starting to enjoy it.

If any one has any anecdotes of their own, or even suggestions or advice, i’d love to hear it!

Now look what you’ve done, you got it everywhere!

… That’s what she said!

Feb
15

What is sexy?

Sexy is wearing a giant furry hat even when it’s not that cold out

Sexy is laughing way to loudly in a movie theatre, and not even caring.

Sexy is loving winter so much that you just have to text someone every time you see a snowflake

Sexy is never putting on makeup until you absolutely have to

Sexy is knowing you gained five pounds… and not being all that upset about it

Sexy is taking a four hour nap

Sexy is never cleaning your room

Sexy is wanting to learn how to cook just because you’re tired of grilled cheese

Sexy is leaving your hair just the way it was when you woke up

Sexy is doing something that scares you

Sexy is going skinny dipping

Sexy is having your hair freeze on the way back from swimming laps

Sexy is convincing your roommate to let you paint his toenails

Sexy is having a half an hour conversation about masturbation with someone you just met

Sexy is having big feet, but very short toes

Sexy is being more horny than your boyfriend

Sexy is preferring your sex “chocolate”, instead of “vanilla”

Sexy is having a million and one pictures of your friends in your room

Sexy is doing homework naked

Sexy is painting your room yellow because it makes you feel happy

Sexy is purposely opening your blinds before you get naked

Sexy is enjoying a 100 degree sauna

Sexy is having over thirty pairs of underwear

Sexy is being comfortable enough in your relationship to be able to sleep together without spooning

Sexy is loving cheesy sci fi shows like star trek

Sexy is trying a new food, and realizing you really like it

Sexy is having a favorite pair of socks. And they’re ugly too.

Sexy is admitting you never go to the gym

Sexy is eating ice cream right out of the box

Sexy is knowing nothing about fashion… unless you count ski wear as fashionable

Sexy is knowing how to fillet a fish

Sexy is listening to Christmas music in June

Sexy is being spontaneous

Sexy is having your favorite body part be one of the most visible

Sexy is buying a maid costume before you have a boyfriend

Sexy is owning five vibrators

Sexy is wanting to be spanked

Sexy is loving when the pillow still smells like your boyfriend the next time you go to bed

Sexy is reading a book on a rainy day in your sweat pants

Sexy is loving romance novels

Sexy is buying Christmas presents for literally everyone you know, even people that won’t buy you one in return

Sexy is realizing that he is stronger than you in so many ways, and loving it

Sexy is wondering when to say I love you

Sexy is hoping its him every time a car pulls up

Sexy is dropping fifty dollars on lingerie

Sexy is never faking an orgasm

Sexy is always having time to talk to a friend

Sexy is having a girls night in and watching movies that make you cry

Sexy is loving your body because its yours

Sexy is scrambled eggs for lunch

Sexy is keeping an emergency chocolate bar in the freezer

Sexy is being happy

Sexy is knowing what he’s thinking even when he won’t admit it

Sexy is a nutella sandwich for desert

Sexy is lazily caressing each other and making out for an hour after sex

Sexy is wearing a big sweater with a hot shirt underneath even though nobody can see it

Sexy is finding out something new about your body

Sexy is being unable to sit still

Sexy is doing a cosmopolitan quiz with your male roommates

Sexy is being laid back

Sexy is kissing goodnight in the snow

Sexy is being able to save someone’s life

Sexy is only owning one skirt, and never wearing it

Sexy is being good at what you do

Sexy is being able to sit in silence with someone, yet be completely at ease

Sexy is that tingle you get when you see him

Sexy is loving who you are and where you are in your life

Sexy is burning a meal and eating it anyways

Sexy is texting goodnight with a ❤

Sexy is singing “you are my sunshine” as a lullaby and really meaning it

Sexy is having your hair washed by him in the shower

Sexy is being a meat and potatoes kind of girl

Sexy is being able to manage stress

Sexy is giving him a massage purely so he’ll give you one

Sexy is having too many stories that start with “this one time at camp…”

Sexy is loving kids

Sexy is understanding your own strengths and weaknesses

Sexy is having supreme confidence in yourself

Sexy is believing the best of someone until proven otherwise

Sexy is having a shark shaped body pillow

Sexy is making plans, and keeping them

Sexy is walking around naked

Sexy is missing your family

Sexy is sleeping naked

Sexy is finding a song you know he’ll love

Sexy is loving interior decorating magazines

Sexy is packing lunch and sneakily eating it in class

Sexy is having a dream catcher because you really believe that it works

Sexy is furtively making out in the doorway

Sexy is loving your friends regardless of their flaws

Sexy is drinking mint tea with honey

Sexy is being so serious about a nap that you change back into your pj’s in the middle of the day

It didn’t seem to last long at all…

That’s what she said!

Feb
07

Hello everyone! This will probably be my last post for a good while, Since I have midterms and a huge essay coming up. So unless one of you wants to volunteer to tell me everything to do with Satire in Gilbert and Sullivan, i’ll probably be pretty booked up for the next two or three weeks. However, I’ve just finished this list of common mistakes men make during sex, so hopefully that’ll tide everyone over until I have some free time again. These aren’t all my personal experiences, some of them are from friends too. If you have any that you think I missed, please don’t hesitate to send me a comment!

1. Not Kissing First

If you don’t kiss her first, you run the risk of making her feel like you hired her off the street, and want save money by skipping the non-essentials. Which is really not something anyone wants to be feeling, especially not the girl your trying to have sex with!

2. Blowing Too Hard In Her Ear

Face it. Some random in high school told you that girls love it when you blow in their ears… which is true in some cases, but blowing too hard is quite uncomfortable and even painful. If you’re gonna do something like that, instead of blowing in her ear, breath gently. I’m no talking about heavy creepy breathing, but if you want to gently do it once or twice, by all means, go ahead.

3. No Pre Game

Women don’t get aroused as easily as men; we need that foreplay. It only takes you five minutes of touching, caressing, and nibbling to make the difference between an uncomfortable, and possibly painful experience, and an unforgettable night. So exercise some control!

4. Not Practicing Good Crotchal Hygiene

No woman wants to go down on a guy who has disgusting crotch odor. Seriously, we understand that it get’s sweaty down there, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try to keep it clean and nice. We do the same for you!

5. Being Too Rough With Her Boobs

Now don’t get me wrong, every woman is different, some are more sensitive then others. However, way too many guys seem to enjoy squeezing boobs like they’re checking to see if they’re ripe! You should be paying attention to the entire breast, not just the nipple, and be gentle unless she says otherwise.

6. Not Shaving

Imagine having sandpaper dragged across your face and thighs. That’s pretty much exactly how it feels to us when you haven’t shaved… it’s incredibly unpleasant. Plus you look like a scraggly homeless person. Just saying.

7. Ignoring Other Erogenous Zones

It’s very frustrating that men think the only places that make a girl feel good are the boobs and vag. There are so many other places that will leave us in awe of your knowledge of the female body. For example, kissing our neck, drawing patterns on our back, our inner thighs, the bottoms of our feet, etc…

8. Fingering Too Roughly

Unless we’re turned on and super wet, fingering can be quite uncomfortable, especially if you’re too rough. Make sure she has enough lubrication, and go gently at first.

9. Heading South Too Soon

As I’ve mentioned before, foreplay is extremely important. If she isn’t aroused then you’re gonna be down there for, like, ever. Turning her on before heading south will make your job that much easier.

10.  Too Much Pressure on Her Clit

Some women are extremely sensitive down there, I’m personally not, but I know girls who are. When you first begin just make sure you aren’t applying direct pressure, since that can be like a sensory overload. Focus more on the sides and labia at first.

11.  Being too Gentle During Oral

One the flip side, being too gentle during oral won’t be enough to get her off. Try firm strokes with your tongue, and alternate with lighter flicking motions. Most women will be fairly vocal when you’re going down on them. You’ll be able to tell that she’s getting close to climax when she begins to rotate her hips towards your face, and goes almost completely silent.

12.  Taking a Break Half Way Through Oral

This is THE BIGGEST mistake guys make when giving oral. Unlike men, women don’t maintain the same level of arousal if you stop stimulation. If you decide you’re tired and take a break, she’s gonna have to start all over again, which is extremely frustrating. And to make it even worse, most guys decide they need a breather right at the moment that she wants you to keep going at any cost.

13.  Leaving Your Socks On

Men never look sillier then when they’re wearing nothing but socks. Seriously, how hard is it to take them off first?

14.  Expecting Her To Be Perfectly Shaved

Let me ask you a question, how long does the average shave last for a guy? Many men I know shave every day, or at least every other day. And let me ask you another question; even when you shave, don’t you find that you get a little stubble within a few hours? Well that’s pretty much exactly what happens to girls too, except we have way more surface to cover! Don’t expect our legs to be totally smooth at all times. Ditto for our underarms and our bikini/vag areas.

15.  Losing Your Erection When Putting On a Condom

Okay, I get it, wearing a condom kind of sucks. But that doesn’t mean you should lose your hard-on as soon as that little foil packet makes an appearance. A good way to combat this is to practice putting them on, and to masturbate with them. And if even that fails… then you clearly need to see some psychological help, because even though this is annoyingly common, it’s really not normal.

16.  Not Being Able To Get Your Dick Into The Hole

If you can’t get it in within the first two of three tries then don’t keep blindly thrusting. Ask her to guide you in. she’ll thank you, I promise.

17.  Bashing Her With Your Hips

Most guys have “sharper” hipbones than women because you don’t carry fat the same way we do. When you smash them against us, it hurts. A lot. So just be cognizant of it, and try to be a little gentler.

18.  Trying Too Hard to Keep your Weight Off Her

Women are not delicate lilies who will snap in half when you touch them. Most girls enjoy that post sex time, when you’re lying on top of them all relaxed and boneless, so don’t cut it off immediately, it makes us feel warm and safe and cared for.

19.  Trying to Do Something You’ve Seen in a Porno

Do you try to do the things you seen in movies like Jackass or Indiana Jones? No. Probably not. So why on earth would you assume that the things people do in pornos are what happens in real life? Anything you want to try that’s a bit out of the ordinary should be run past your partner before hand.

20.  Cumming Too Quickly

Yes, it’s every man’s biggest fear, cumming five seconds after entry. If this is a common problem for you, then you need to have a few backup plans. Foreplay should become much longer and more intense than usual, and you should plan on going down on her much more often.

21.  Assuming That Women Have a Lower Sex Drive Then Men

I would just like to point out that I have an insanely high sex drive, much higher than any guy i’ve been with, in fact. So don’t expect us to be content to watch you orgasm, while we sit there twiddling our thumbs.

22.  Feeling Threatened By Sex Toys

Some women simply cannot cum from anything less than deep, intense vibrations. Nothing you do will change that. You need to accept and support her needs, just like she does with yours. Sex toys can never replace you, they are meant to add to your sex life, not make you feel jealous.

23.  Not Exploring Fantasies

You would be amazed at how many women have much more explicit fantasies than you do. Feel free to ask her about them, and to act on them. Be prepared to share some of yours as well! And while I’m on the topic, woman need you to shake things up in bed once in a while, otherwise she’ll get bored and probably stop wanting to have sex with you. So stop being so lazy, and try a little harder once in a while!

24.  Making Her Do All the Work on Top

Men’s bodies are built to support the thrusting they need to do during missionary position. Women’s however, are not. Girl on top uses completely different muscles than she’s used to using during sex. It’s much more tiring to us than it is to you to be on top. Even something as simple as putting your hands on her hips and helping her move up and down will make a huge difference. Another good option is to switch positions after a few minutes so that you don’t tire her out completely.

25.  Taking Forever to Cum

Men seem to think that the longer they last, the better they are in bed. This is completely untrue. If you last for more than about 20-25 minutes then she’ll be numb, and you’ll probably start to encounter chaffing issues. If you can only cum manually, then make sure that after an appropriate length of time, you stop and ask her to finish you off, or do so yourself.

26.  Being Weirdly Silent

Being totally silent during sex is kind of creepy to be honest. Women expect some kind of vocal cues to know if they’re doing well, just like you do. So let her know how you’re feeling, even something as easy as “you feel so good” is enough.

27.  Going for Anal and Calling it an “Accident”

Ok, come on guys. You aren’t fooling anybody. And if it IS legitimately an accident, then we’ll know that too. Remember, without proper precautions, anal really, really, REALLY hurts. Unless you’re willing to have her suddenly stick something the size of your cock up YOUR ass then I suggest you try a little harder not to be a complete dick face. If you make this blunder, whether accidentally or on purpose, expect tears and the distinct possibility that you’re relationship will be over.

28.  Assuming She’ll Cum From Penetration

Most women can’t, so don’t think of it as a problem or that something is “wrong” with her, or with you. Just accept it, and put more effort into making her cum during oral.

29.  Assuming That Women Want Romance, Not Raunch

This is so not true. Most girls I know don’t have fantasies involving princes and white horses and castles. Sure, a little romance is nice once in a while, but too much of it can make you look cheesy. In fact, lots of women have much dirtier fantasies than you do. Feel free to ask her about taking handcuffs, blindfolds or ticklers to bed.

30.  Not Asking Her Exactly What She Wants

Men always seem to assume that they know what women want. This is obviously not true, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this column, would I? Ask often, and even if she doesn’t open up right away, try to pay attention to her body language. If you really care about your partner, you need to try to find out what she likes and what she doesn’t.

31. Not Telling Her What You Want

The key to any good relationship is communication, so swallow your weird manly aversion to talking about your feelings… and talk about your feelings. If you love it when she does that thing with her tongue, then tell her. If it weirds you out when she tries to give you a foot job, then tell her that too. I’m not saying that you should say it in those words, be nice about it. But remember, women aren’t mind readers, you need to tell us what you like.

32. Cumming On Her Without Asking

This is so far from okay that it’s not even funny. We are not things, or possessions that you can treat however you want. Treat us like the human beings we are. Men who do this to women, without asking, no matter what the circumstances, are the scum of the earth and deserve to contract syphilis, crabs and herpes. All at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you can never do this, if you’re into it, and she’s into it, then by all means, go right ahead. But you need to ask her first and make sure she’s okay with it.

33. Bailing Out

Sure, one-night-stands are awkward, especially the morning after. But if you can’t stand her long enough to even stay the night, then why on earth did you have sex with her in the first place? Be kind, girls have feelings too, and we’ll respect you so much more for staying with us overnight.

34. Not Cleaning Up After Sex

This is a personal pet peeve of mine. If you’ve just finished with a condom, and it’s full of the fun stuff, then don’t throw it on the floor! That’s totally gross! It’s your mess; you need to clean it up. Go find a garbage can and throw it away. Also, never flush condoms down the toilet. You may find that you have a clog on your hands, and that’s never a good thing.

35. Not Cuddling After Sex

Every woman knows that most men like to conk out for a while right after sex. We get it. But that doesn’t mean you should. After a man cums he returns to a pre-aroused state. Aka, not aroused. When women cum, they’re usually left in a semi-aroused state, which is why we’re so interested in cuddling, talking, and possibly even having more sex. Plus our bodies have been flooded with chemicals that encourage feelings of closeness and bonding with our partners. All you have to do, to make us feel like you care, is cuddle with us. It’s really not asking that much. We put up with your farting, burping, eating, grooming, and other less pleasant habits. The least you can do is cuddle, cause you know, it’s just such an imposition to put your arm around her and lay still for a while. Just saying.

So there you have it, my list of biggest sex mistakes. If you have any others that I forgot to mention drop me a comment and i’ll add them in. I would love to do a list of the biggest mistakes girls make during sex, but sadly since i’m a girl it might be kinda hard to do it from that perspective, and i am certainly not claiming to be that much of an expert lol. 

Was it hard? That’s how you know you’re doing a good job…

That’s what she said!

Jan
25

Over the years i’ve had many guy friends ask me questions that they would never ask another girl. Maybe it’s my charm? Or perhaps because i’m willing to listen without judging, and give a straight answer? But probably it’s the fact that i’m obsessed with sex, and totally not shy about it. Whatever the reason, I always love answering the questions that guys are uncomfortable asking girls. Partially because it opens up a new perspective for me into the minds of men, but also because it makes me think, and even re-evaluate some of my original thoughts and opinions. I’ve broken up the questions into four categories.

1. My Friend and Yours, the Penis

2. At the Club/Bar

3. The Old In-and-Out

4. Confusing Things Girls Do and Want.

I hope these are helpful to all those confused guys out there who don’t have a horny female friend to ask their questions to!

 

 

MY FRIEND AND YOURS, THE PENIS

Does size really matter?

Yes… but not nearly as much as guys think it does. Thickness is much more important, but again, not crucial. For most girls it’s all about clitoral stimulation anyways (see below to find out where the clit is).

– What’s the average dick size?

Anywhere from 4 to 6 inches, in my experience, and according to most of the girls I’ve talked to. It also depends on whether we’re talking flaccid or erect. Some guys are growers, and some are showers. Growers tend to be quite small (like and inch or two) when flaccid, but get noticeably larger when erect. Showers usually don’t get as drastic a size change between when they’re hard and when they’re not.

– Can a guy be too big?

Absolutely! Even though our vaginas are incredibly flexible, a huge dick is still a pretty terrifying prospect for many women, especially if they are inexperienced or a virgin. A large penis can actually be quite painful, even to a girl who knows how to handle it. If this is your problem, then the best suggestions I can make are foreplay, patience, and lube. Foreplay is essential because it will help her relax the muscles that would cause pain from being stretched more than they’re used to. Patience, because it will be much less painful for her if you inch in veeeeery slowly. The vagina is insanely stretchy (hello, we give birth to something the size of a watermelon out of that same place!) but it needs time to do that vital stretching. And lube, because sometimes even foreplay just isn’t enough to get her as wet as she needs to be.

Do girls like circumcised or uncircumcised better?

I must admit, I have a personal preference for circumcised, mostly because it’s probably cleaner, and it just looks a little nicer, but feeling wise? No discernable difference. So whichever one you are, don’t bother to worry about what girls think.

Is it as huge a deal to the girl if I can’t get it up, as it is to me?

Usually not. Especially if you go down on her. Okay I’m sure you’re getting tired of hearing this, but seriously, you’ll be her hero. Besides, the more you worry about your performance, the harder it’ll be. And if you’re drunk she’ll just attribute it to whiskey dick anyways. If you’re in a relationship, if she is half the woman you deserve, she will be supportive, understanding and kind about it.

– Do girls want me to shave my balls?

Yes. If you expect a girl to shave her vag, then she expects you to be well groomed as well. I’m not saying that you should be bare (that’s kind of creepy looking) but trimmed with shaved balls is my personal preference. Let me assure you that nobody wants to suck, nibble or otherwise caress hairy balls!

 

AT THE CLUB/BAR


– How should I handle the situation if I get a hard on when dancing with a girl?

I would say that it depends on what her reaction is. Most of the time she’ll take it as a compliment, and you can laugh it off by inviting her to sit down at a table, or go outside to cool down. If she’s clearly into it, then continue. You’ve quite possibly found yourself someone willing to go home with you!

How to approach a girl in a club/bar without being creepy

Just be honest. Look her in the eyes (for more than half a second!), smile, and say hello. If she likes you she’ll respond in a good way, probably with more eye contact and a smile of her own. Just please, never do the “snake arm”, where you try to grab a random girl out of the crowd, and force her into dancing with you as she walks past. I’ve come home with bruises and even scratches from guys who have tried to do this to me. Not cool!

– Are there any pick up lines that actually work?

Unless you arrived on a white stallion, with a bag of diamonds and your hair gently blowing in the wind… no.

– What to do after getting shot down

Handle it gracefully. Smile (genuinely! No need to be rude!), and walk away. It’s not the end of the world! Besides, picking up girls in bars and clubs is mostly a numbers game. To find one willing to dance with you, let alone go home with you, you’re gonna get turned down a whole bunch of times.

 

THE OLD IN-AND-OUT

 

 

– How do I impress a one night stand with my sexual prowess?

Go down on her!!! Also, know how to put a condom on (aka practice before hand). ALSO, don’t treat her like trash. Girls are just as entitled to enjoy sex as you are, and you shouldn’t ever punish her for choosing to have it with you!

How many condoms should I take with me to a club/bar?

At least four. You never know when you’ll get lucky, so be prepared. Plus, when you’re drunk, the little bastards become like, ten thousand times harder to get on. Oh, and make sure you always take new ones; you really wouldn’t want the kind of surprise old condoms tend to give.

Should I use her condoms if she offers?

Only if you don’t have your own, but if you read the last question you should have your own with you anyways! The problem with using hers is that you don’t know what kind of condoms she’ll have. They might be huge, or tiny, or have been sitting in her drawer since grade ten, oooor she might have poked a hole in them so she can get preggers cause you’re secretly a handsome and famous billionaire!!!! Okay maybe that last one was a bit far fetched… but you never know. It could happen, okay?

Do girls discuss if we were good in bed?

Yup. If she was remotely interested in anything other than just a one-night stand, all of her girlfriends will know everything about you. If you’re in a relationship with a girl, then her friends will have literally discussed anything and everything about you. Accept it, and move on.

How fast does the average guy take to cum?

Depends on a lot of factors. For example, most guys cum pretty quickly (five minutes and under) if they haven’t done it in a while. If this is you’re issue, a good way to stop worrying about it is to make sure you do it more than once a session. Plus this is an awesome way to impress the girl. Get er done, and then go down on her (that’ll probably take around ten minutes if you’re good at it). Once you’ve rocked her world, you can both nap, and when you’ve recovered, go at it again. I can almost guarantee the second time you’ll be a bit less sensitive, and you’ll last longer.

What happens if I cum way too quickly?

Make up for it by going down on her!!! And just don’t sweat it. Sex is supposed to be fun for both partners, so treat it as the amusing game that it is.

– Can we still have sex when she’s on the rag?

Totally. If you’re both willing, and you’ve taken proper precautions then go for it! I suggest the shower, or just a quick tampon removal and towels on the bed. Most guys won’t know this, but a girls period usually lasts about five or six days with the third and possibly fourth as the heaviest times. You might want to abstain for the day or two when she’s at her heaviest flow, but the rest of the days, there isn’t really all that much blood. Also, remember that most girls only bleed about two tablespoons worth for each period, so it’s not like it’s gushing or anything. An interesting fact is that because of the sudden jump in hormone levels during this time, many girls actually get extremely horny when they’re having their periods, and having an orgasm will help her feel better. Because of the flood of endorphins, she’ll be more relaxed and less likely to get menstrual cramps (which suck, by the way). Another exciting alternative to vaginal sex during period time is anal. Just saying.

Where is the clitoris?

This is my favorite question; because I find it so amusing that many guys have literally no idea where it is. Hokay. I’m assuming most of you have seen a vagina before. There are two sets of “lips” the outer and inner labia, which serve to protect the softer, more sensitive parts of the vagina, such as the clitoris and the urethra. The clitoris is a small, firm lump at the top of the vaginal slit. It has a small hood, which during arousal, retracts, as blood flows into the vagina area and the clit becomes engorged. (It might freak you out a bit, but the clit is actually very similar to the head of an uncircumcised penis in that it is considered “erectile tissue”. It gets bigger and firmer when she’s aroused). Do not confuse the clit with the urethra, which is fairly similar looking, but is located lower, right above the entrance of the vagina. Here are a few quick words of advice about going down on a girl:

1. Just as when a girl is giving head to you, teeth can be good or bad, use then sparingly, if at all.

2. Make sure that you are stimulating the actual clitoris, anything on the hood will feel good, but will probably won’t be enough to get her off.

3. Vary your tongue techniques; otherwise you’ll end up numbing her.

4. Using your hands to finger her at the same time as you’re eating her out is a wonderful idea! Just make sure you’re nails are trimmed.

5. When fingering her, make sure to curl your fingers upwards with every stroke (as if you were making a “come hither” motion), this will almost definitely stimulate her G spot, and it will feel a million times better for her.

6. If she get’s really into it, her hips will probably be bucking. She probably won’t be able to help herself, it’s an uncontrollable physical reaction to being super turned on. If this is the case, be careful that you don’t accidentally get hit in the face! It sounds funny, but it has been known to happen. One time I accidentally did it to my boyfriend and he got a nosebleed. It was pretty hilarious. If she is doing this, just place your hand on her stomach and gently hold her down.

THE CONFUSING THINGS GIRLS DO AND WANT


– Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups?

To talk about you, obviously. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we literally pee in the same stall with each other, but girls bathrooms are set up to be socially inviting. We like to stand in front of the mirror, gossip about what is happening on our outing, and borrow each others makeup and hair stuff. Plus it gives you, the guys in the group, a chance to do the same.

– Why do girls expect us to always ‘Make the First Move’?

Sadly, most girls have convinced themselves that they will only settle for a guy who is confident enough to come up to them. In fact, a lot of girls will purposely ignore a guy they’re interested in because they don’t want to seem “easy”. Of course, this really just ends up making many girls lonely, and frustrated with all of mankind. A good way to gauge whether a girl would be interested in having you come over and talk to her is to make eye contact from across the room. Smile, and let your eyes linger (on her eyes, not her boobs, you silly man). If she doesn’t look away immediately, or if she continues to glance at you, then you’re probably good to go. Just make sure that you don’t smile creepily. Let your jaw relax, and smile naturally (try practicing in the mirror until you find a friendly, relaxed and slightly seductive smile).

 

How can I be a “good listener”?

Well… the key to this one, surprisingly enough is… actually listen. “But how do I listen?” you ask. Well this one is easier than you think. The key to listening is eye contact. You’ve probably never noticed it before, but many people (men in particular have trouble with this) don’t make eye contact when they feel that the conversation doesn’t have an immediate effect on them. If you make an effort to purposely make eye contact with her as she is talking, you’ll find that you immediately feel much more connected and intimate with her, and that you understand where she is coming from much better. *Hint* if you’re tired of listening (which happens to the best of us) and would rather have sex, lingering eye contact is an awesome way to spark sexual tension.

Why do girls wear so much make up?

Because it’s like our shield to the world. It makes us feel confident, and pretty. If a girl in your life wears too much makeup, a good way to get her to tone it down would be to say something like, “you look so pretty when you wear natural looking make up.” Don’t ask us to give up makeup entirely, we won’t. but with properly placed compliments you can make her see that being a “cake face” is not especially attractive. Remember, when you think a girl isn’t wearing any makeup, but still looks really good, it’s probably because she’s wearing something more “natural” looking.

Why do girls obsess over our eyebrows?

Because they could be soo much nicer if you would just let us pluck that one annoying hair… but seriously, eyebrows are a key indicator of mood and personality. If you have extremely heavy, low eyebrows, you may come off as serious, brooding, or aggressive. High, lighter eyebrows make you seem more open, friendly or surprised. And nobody likes a uni-brow. I promise having two eyebrows will make you much more attractive to the opposite sex! So if you sense that she’s just itching to hold you down and torture you with tweezers, try a pre-emptive strike. Plucking your eyebrows is an art form, so make sure you go slowly, and carefully check the mirror after every hair you pluck. Once you get the hang of it it’ll only take you a few minutes of upkeep every couple of weeks, to keep them looking spiffy. First off, a good pair of tweezers is a must; you can get pretty decent ones for like 5 dollars or less at Shopper’s Drug Mart. The biggest rule for guys to remember is DON’T DO ANYTHING DRAMATIC. But I promise it’s not as hard or scary as it seems, and you won’t regret it! Here are some tips:

1. If you have excessively long hair on your brows, a good option is trimming them. In many cases you won’t even have to pluck if you do this. Go buy an eyelash brush (the sales clerks will be very helpful, or you can take a female friend to help you), or if you’re too cheap, gently brush your fingers against the grain of the hair on your brows. The hair should stand up and stick out. Take a pair of tiny scissors (I use nail scissors) and carefully trim the hairs that stand up above the brow line. You may want to repeat the back brushing a couple times to see if you got enough of the hairs. Let me stress that you should NOT cut any closer than the hair that sticks up over the brow line! Otherwise you’ll cut it too short and look rather silly until it grows back in. I usually trim mine every couple of months, but if yours are really thick then you may need to do it a bit more often.

2. If you have a uni-brow the best thing to do is thin out the middle. Instead of taking out every single hair the way girls do, just focus on one hair at a time, and pluck the longer, thicker ones, leaving the fine and light ones. Don’t pluck too far in! Otherwise your brows will look too short. Men’s eyebrows protrude further into the middle then women’s do.

3. Never pluck the tops of your brows. This will make you look like a drag queen because they will look freakishly sculpted.

4. Straight or slightly curved lines are best for the under part of the eyebrow. Once again, leave blond or very thin hairs, and work your way up gradually. Take one line of hairs off then look to see if you should take the next one, and so on. As long as you follow the natural shape of your brow you’ll be fine.

I hope you enjoyed reading these as much as I enjoyed answering them! If you have any other questions that I didn’t answer here, I would love to hear from you, and possibly add them to this list.

It was longer than I though, but it was totally worth it…

That’s what she said!

Jan
05

The female orgasm. Such a lame term for something so awesome. Lots of women find it hard, or even impossible to orgasm. To these women I simple must say… you aren’t trying hard enough! Everyone is capable of orgasming (unless you have some kind of a diagnosed physical or psychological issue) and it is one of the joys of life! There is nothing I enjoy more than a good toe curling, back arching, funny noising making, orgasm. Science still doesn’t really know why it’s so much harder for women then for men, but one of the possibilities is as a way to figure out if your mate is caring enough to help you raise children. Let’s be honest here, when a man manages to make you cum, he instantly becomes more attractive in many different ways. You’re more willing to overlook his flaws, mistakes and moments of stupidity. You forgive him more easily and are more physically and emotionally attracted to him. And yet many men are rather unwilling to do what it takes to make their partner cum. If this is the case for you then I suggest it’s time to find a better guy! If that’s not an option, then here are my tips and tricks for helping him help you.

*Of course the best option in any relationship is to talk about what’s bothering you. No relationship will ever truly work without good communication. But, if you’ve discussed it and he still won’t help you out (and you’ve for some reason decided NOT to dump him?) then it’s time to go to plan B!

The guy who won’t go down:  Sadly this is a pretty common scenario, guys expect us to go down on them, and yet refuse to go down on us! Totally unfair! If this is your case there are a few things you can try.

1. Scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.

Refuse to go down on him unless he goes down on you first. It’s harder than it sounds, but if he really wants it he’ll get er done.

2. Make sure you’re as appealing as possible… down there.

So maybe you guy has a thing for Brazilians, well promise him one, but only if he goes down on you. This also works with any sexual act that he likes and you don’t. Refuse to do it unless he repays you in cunnilingus.

3. Last ditch effort

Guys like to have sex, so the next time he’s in the mood go along with it, but be as unenthusiastic as possible. When he asks what’s wrong tell him that you find it hard to enjoy sex when you aren’t turned on. He’ll probably try harder, but resist temptation! When he asks what he can do, tell him the only sure fire was is to go down on you. If he cares about your pleasure at all, he’ll head south immediately.

Repeat these steps until your man is fully trained.

The guy who doesn’t last long enough: (Not because he can’t but because he doesn’t want to.) Some guys are ass holes.  And some guys are just plain lazy. Although I urge you to dump him if this is the case, sometimes the situation isn’t that simple. Here are some ways to break him of this habit.

1. If he won’t get er done, then you sure as hell can!

Bring a vibrator into bed and get yourself off. Do it before you let him anywhere near you. Once you’ve cum, roll over and go to sleep. When he tries to wake you up completely ignore him. Repeat until he gets the point.

2. The sneaky switch

Buy some extra thick condoms and switch them with the ones he usually uses. Or you can also get a special gel (found in any sex shop) that partially numbs him so that he’ll last longer. This one might be a bit harder to sneakily use, but you’ll find a way!

Repeat these steps until your man is fully trained.

The guy who picks bad positions:  Sometimes all it takes to get off is a certain position that puts more pressure or friction on your clit or G spot. However, many guys won’t know which ones work best for you, or will consistently stick with their favorite, instead of branching out and helping you figure out which ones work best for you. Here are some suggestions to help with this situation.

1. Girl on top

This will let you access your G-spot more easily, as well as giving you easy access to your clit whether it be with your fingers, his, or a vibrator. All you have to do is kneel over him and lower yourself onto his penis. Brace your hands on either his chest or thighs (depending whether you’re doing normal or reverse girl on top) if you’ve never done this position before it’s important to remember that you usually don’t thrust up and down, but backwards and forwards.

2. Doggy style

This lets him thrust against your G spot, and if you’re doing it on the edge of the bed, it will let him rub your clit at the same time. Try to resist putting your face down against the bed, and instead arch your back, this will give him a better chance of hitting your G-spot.

3. The shoulder press

Start out in regular missionary. Once he’s inside you, have him raise your legs up o that they’re resting on his shoulders. This allows him to thrust much more deeply and should give you the feeling of intense fullness and friction on your clit and G spot. (This is my personal favorite!)

Repeat these moves until your man is fully trained.

So that’s my advice about the female orgasm. I hope this helped, and remember, as I said at the beginning, the best option is always to talk about what you want and need from your relationship before you resort to measures like this! I’ll be posting something about how to get yourself off using toys, in the near future, so keep checking back for more sex awesomeness!

I’ve never had it before, but I heard it’s amazing…

That’s what she said!

Jan
02

Okay, I know this has been done way too many times, but I just had to take a crack at it! Here are my top ten highlights and failures of 2010, and my resolutions for 2011.

Highlights:

1. July – Spending a week with my five best friends at my cottage. We saunaed, fished, suntanned, drank, smoked and ate. It was the best part of my summer by far.

2. November – Realizing that I absolutely love all my roommates. Each one of them is funny, quirky and all around awesome to live with. I’m so lucky!

3. May – Getting the hell out of residence. I hated every second of living there. I had the roommate from hell, drunkenly committed floor-cest the third week in, realized that I disliked almost every person on my floor, and was the most depressed and lonely I’ve been in a long time. Thank goodness it’s over!!

4. All summer – The flirtation with, and eventual dating of my boyfriend, G. I’m happy every time I’m with him, and miss him whenever I’m not. He makes me laugh, and tells me I’m beautiful. Hopefully when I do this again next year he’ll still be part of my life.

5. June – My backyard birthday party. I was surrounded by friends, a bonfire, beer pong, good music, booze and a beautiful night. It was awesome.

6. December – New years at a western bar with G and his friends. We all dressed up in our cowboy hats, and boots, and plaid shirts and drank and danced. I had my first ever New Years kiss from G and it was everything I’d hoped it would be be. Oh, and we fucked like rabbits when we got home even though we were surrounded by passed out people. Epic.

7. May – Edward 40 hands party. We all taped 40’s of beer to our hands and weren’t allowed to take them off until they were empty. It was a hilarious night involving falling off the top of a fence, meeting random people from yellow knife, attempting to get pants on and off without the use of hands, and an almost naked pillow fight with two of my guy friends.

8. August – Photo race with the staff from the pool. We all piled into my car and raced around taking pictures and collecting clues. Highlights included licking a tire, kissing a girl, going into mcdonalds in a bikini, goggles, snorkel and flippers, and streaking in front of a church.

9. September – Living in my own house. I love it!

10. All first semester – Having amazing sex with G. with the inception of the sex-lympics we’ve had some awesome sex. My favorites were, bondage night, car sex, French maid, and practice room sex.

 

 

Lowlights:

1. Living in residence. It sucked.

2. One particularly unfortunate one-night stand with a guy in my residence. Afterwards he opened his window and screamed, “I’M A MAN!!!” It was hilarious yet mortifying.

3. My Music Theory course. I hate theory. It’s hard, boring and makes me want to die. Uugh. Too bad I have to take it again this semester!

4. Not getting the evaluation I’d hoped for at the end of my summer job. There was an incident at the pool that caused everyone to get a bad evaluation, even if we didn’t deserve it. It was frustrating.

5. Not having time to hang out with my friends because of my summer job. I worked 7 days a week in June, July and August. It was exhausting.

6. Failing my skills final. We were given 20 melodies and four rhythms to  prepare, and I spent literally ten hours learning them. Sadly, I missed one  melody. Just one. And of course that was the one they asked for. And as  for the rhythms? For the one they asked me I had misread the sheet and  learned 5.1 instead of 5.I. seriously, wtf.

7. Not doing more art. I miss it!

8. Not keeping up with high school  acquaintances as much as I wanted to.

9. Not buying the snake that I always wanted. My mom straight up told me that if I brought it home she’d get rid of it. Oh well.

10. Not starting this blog sooner!

 

 

Resolutions for 2011:

1. Lose the 15 pounds I put on this year

2. Work towards changing from a music to an art major

3. Force my roommates to come out to the bar with me more often

4. Keep working on turning G into the aggressive, dominant sex partner that I’ve always fantasized about

5. Work through the Quinoa recipe book I got for Christmas

6. Stop biting my nails

7. Get an awesome summer job

8. Convince G to have a threesome with me and another guy. it’s my ultimate fantasy!

9. Have more adventures

10. Be as happy as I can be

 

 

Yes, New Years lists have been done time and time again, but I decided to do it this year because I’ve never actually written one down before. Since I have no idea what my resolutions were supposed to be for 2010, it will be interesting to look back in 2012 (assuming the world doesn’t end ha ha) and remember the times I laughed and cried and what I wanted to accomplish this year. Hopefully these will actually get done, instead of forgotten. In the spirit of accomplishing my resolutions, I’ll leave you all with this inspirational phrase:

“get er done!”

That’s what she said!

Dec
06

1. Don’t ever turn her down when she wants to have sex.

Many of you are thinking, “but I’m the one who get’s turned down, not her!” well, let me assure you that this is not always the case, we just tend to be a bit more subtle about our requests for sex (see number 13). If she wants to have sex, this is not the time for you to be worrying about all your homework, or the assignment that’s due tomorrow, or how hungry you are. She already knows this. You need to take one for the team, and give her what she wants. Otherwise you risk making her feel undesirable. And you really don’t want that.

2. Plan something

Plan a date.  It’s easier than it sounds, I swear. If girls can do it, so can you. Pick the restaurant, the main event, and whether there will be some lovin’ afterwards. Once you’ve managed this, you can take it one step further and plan a surprise date, where you don’t tell her what you’re doing. She’ll love it, I promise.

3. Cook for her

Something other then Kraft dinner or a microwave meal please! Even if it sucks, she’ll appreciate that you tried. And if you don’t want it to suck, you can either try the recipe out ahead of time, or swallow your pride and call your mother to ask her for one of her classics.

4. Tell her when she looks good

Your girl is dressing for YOU. Yes, we like to put together cute outfits and shop with our friends, but at the end of the day we want you to like how we look. So if we’re wearing something that you really like, tell us! You may find that it starts appearing more often…

5. Give her a random, spontaneous present

It doesn’t have to be big, or expensive, just so long as we’ll like it. Flowers are particularly effective. Any colour, any type, any price, we will absolutely love them. Just make sure they’re pretty. Same goes for jewelry. Lingerie is a good choice… but only if you know what size she is!!! If finding out involves you digging through her panty drawer when she’s in the bathroom, so be it. Just don’t buy her anything too big. Or too small. Just… don’t.

6. Confide in her

Girls are emotional creatures, we tell you how we feel all the time, and it would be nice if you would do the same with us.  Even telling us that you’re stressed about work, or that you got a bad mark on your midterm, will make us feel so much closer and connected to you. And it might just make you feel better too.

7. Let her meet “the guys”

We want to meet your friends, yes, even the one who only talks about how huge the waitresses tits are.  If you are friends with them, then there must be something good about them right? And of course, we want them to like us so that we can hang out with them too. More time with them = more time with you.

8. Be friends with her friends

Hoes before bros. forever and always. You will never have greater critics, or greater defenders, than her friends… depending on how you play your cards. If they don’t like you, you may as well throw in the towel now, it’s gonna be a long uphill battle. Doesn’t matter if you don’t like them, smile until your jaw locks.

9. Never, ever (even if she’s bitching bout them), talk badly about her friends

If your girl is bitching about her friends (which happens often), it is not your place to chime in.  We don’t want your two cents. Your job is to sit and listen and nod occasionally. Just because we complain about our friends, doesn’t mean we don’t like them. I know it’s confusing, just accept it.

10. Hold her hand

All the time. There is nothing we like more than having you grab our hand.

11. Carry stuff for her

Even if it hurts your manly pride (like carrying her purse), or it’s not really that heavy. Just do it. It makes us feel like you’d do anything for us.

12. Listen to her

Not as hard as it sounds. Seriously.

13. Pick up on her hints

If you are listening to her (as mentioned in number 12), you’ll find that it’s much easier to pick up on the hints that women constantly drop. For example, if she jokingly mentions that your jeans are getting scruffy, it probably means that it’s either time to retire said jeans, or buy a new pair. Now isn’t that easy?

14. Touch her all the time

I’m not saying you need to grope her constantly, but just brushing our hair off the back of our neck, or stroking our arm, makes us feel so loved.

15. Let her pay is she wants to

Most girls don’t want you to pay for everything, especially if you are both in school. They know that money doesn’t grow on trees and would feel much better if they could pay sometimes too.  So let them if they want to!

16. When you text her goodnight, make it better then just “goodnight”

Say something cute like, “sweet dreams” or send a little ❤ sign. It will make her feel all warm and fuzzy as she climbs into bed.

17. Play with her hair

There is nothing in the entire world that feels better then having our hair played with, and guys never do it enough. Absently play with it when you’re watching tv together, or when you’re cuddling after sex. It makes us feel safe, and sexy, and loved.

18. Pull her hair during sex

Girls with long hair (aka most of them) have gone through their whole lives yanking combs through their hair, or having it pulled at on the playground as a kid. We have a ridiculously high pain tolerance when it comes to our scalps. Therefore, during sex, feel free to tug on our hair. You won’t hurt us, and the sensation will turn us on even more.

19. Come up behind her and put your arms around her

Especially when you’re standing around talking to friends, just pull her close and put your arms around her. Girls like you to show your affection publicly, and it makes us feel loved.

20. Let her give you advice

We love giving advice. LOVE IT. Because in our minds, we’re always right. And if you actually take our advice, even better!

21. If she does something for you, do something for her

This extends to every part of your relationship, be it going to a movie you like, or eating at a restaurant she hates, or hanging out with your sexist friend, or giving you a blowjob. RECIPROCATE! If you stop and really think about it, you’ll probably realize that your girlfriend does an insane amount of things to make you happy.

22. Never abandon her at a party

Especially if it is one where most of the guests are your friends or people she doesn’t know. She’ll feel extremely awkward and might get a bit resentful… which equals no vag for you! Just try to include her in what you’re doing so she won’t feel left out.

23. Be on time. If you won’t be, always, always let her know

It takes some serious time management skills for girls to get ready to see you, or to go out. If you said you were going to pick her up at 8:00, do not show up at 10:00. Not cool. And if you do get delayed, all it takes is a quick text message! Then we can actually get something done while we’re waiting for you.

24. If she is telling you what she wants in bed, it is not a clue, it is not a hint, it means she wants you to do it. Like, now.

If your girl is coming straight out and telling you that she wants you to do something in bed, it’s usually because all other attempts at communication have failed. For example, if your girl jokingly mentions that she likes being spanked, this is a prime opportunity to add spanking into your repertoire of commonly used moves.

25. If she does something that annoys you, just tell her, she’ll probably stop doing it

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Just make sure you aren’t rude or mean about it. Everyone you meet in life will have at least one thing about him or her that annoys you. It’s your job to decide if you can live with it or not.

26. Act just a little bit possessive

I’m not saying you should get mad at her for talking to another guy, but if you’re at a party together and some creep is hitting on her, come up and assert your claim! It makes us feel like you’ll be there to protect us and we like it when you let out a bit of the cave man now and then.

27. Remember, girls remember everything

Any comment you make about us or any other girl will be stored away in the “self esteem drawer”. If you comment that you like when girls wear booty shorts, we may magically produce a pair of booty shorts the next time you see us. However, this can be a double edged sword, you never know what will go into this drawer. For example, if you make a comment about how you hate pink (when our room looks like pepto bismol threw up on it) that will also never be forgotten. Be warned.

28. Never ask her to buy you condoms

We have no idea what size you are. Unless they start putting measurements on the box that involve how much of your dick I can fit in my mouth, I am totally clueless. And I’d imagine that every girl is the same way. So unless you want her to buy condoms that are consistently too big, small, long or short… just buy your own. And I promise I’ll never ask you to buy me tampons. Deal?

29. When she sleeps over at your house, give her something to wear

We would rather not have to do the “jeans dance” after sex when we have to go pee. So just give her a big shirt (preferably a button up one) and save her the annoyance of having to get redressed. Plus, don’t guys like it when we wear their clothes?

30. Don’t talk about how big your last shit was

I don’t want to know, I don’t care… and what do you want me to say to that? Good for you? Just keep it to yourself thank-you-very-much.

31. Offer to walk her home, even if it’s out of your way

Most guys don’t really consider that at night, when it’s dark (and even during the day, if there’s nobody around) girls get worried about being out alone. Even if it’s the middle of the afternoon and I’m walking home alone and a sketchy looking guy is up ahead, I get a little spike of adrenaline and wonder if he’s going to jump me. All girls feel this way. Not to say that we want you to always spaz out about us being alone, it’s just something to consider. Plus it makes us feel safe and loved when you offer, even if we decline.

32. Go down on her

At least as often if not more often than she goes down on you, especially if she doesn’t come just from penetration. You will literally be her hero. Not to mention that it’ll get you out of the doghouse pretty much every time.

33. Never wear running shoes with normal clothes

It’s ugly and makes you look like you don’t know how to dress yourself. Save them for the gym.

34. Never agree with her if she says she looks fat

This should be a given. Just don’t. Tell her that she’s beautiful and turns you on. And then ravish her on the floor… okay maybe not, but if you did, that would be awesome.

35. Wear hoodies. And give them to her when it is cold

It makes us feel small (because you hoodie is probably bigger than us) and every girl wants to feel like her guy is physically stronger and bigger than she is. It makes us feel feminine. Plus it shows us that you’re thinking about our needs, which will totally earn you brownie points.

36. Don’t be surprised that girls watch porn too

We do. Or at least have in the past. And for all you know, we’re into way dirtier things than you are.

37. Do not make fun of her for reading romance novels

They have good story lines, okay? In fact, you could probably get some hints on what she likes if you sneak one out of her bookcase for a couple days…

38. If you are cheating on her, just break up with her.

Don’t put her though the mental and emotional pain that comes with finding out that your boyfriend is cheating on you. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? It’s much kinder just to break up with us.

39. Don’t lie. Ever.

We will find out. And then it will be stored away and brought up in every subsequent argument for the rest of eternity. And you’ll lose a lot, if not all, of her trust. It’s just not worth it. The only exception to this rule is number 34, for obvious reasons.

40. Always let her have the front seat in the car you are driving.

Because you should have one hand on her knee most of the time anyways, obviously. And because we’re your girlfriend and therefore have eternal shotgun privileges.

41. Be dominant in bed

Most girls have some kind of domination fantasy, which plays along the lines of you holding her down and having your way with her. And by having your way I clearly mean making her cum so hard that she can’t see straight.  Be creative, because this is one fantasy she might be reluctant to share with you.

42. If she asks how she looks, do not answer with “fine”

You must always tell her she looks amazingly sexy.

43. Assume that her friends know everything about you, and about your sex life.

Girls tell their friends everything. Literally everything. You. Have. No. Idea. Just accept this and move on. This goes hand in hand with number 8. This doesn’t mean that you are allowed to tell your friends things about us. Yes it’s a double standard, but in this case I think it’s a fairly harmless one.

44. Let her be independent, while simultaneously being there for her when she needs you.

Don’t make her feel smothered, give each other enough space to still have a life outside of one another. But if she needs you, she’ll let you know.

45. When you say “I love you” you better mean it

Don’t only say it before, during or after sex, that doesn’t count. Never say it just to get her to have sex with you, and not only when we say it first. Initiate your own “I love you”, just because you really do love her. Even if you think she already knows it, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to hear it!

I hope this was helpful to any guy who needed some advice, or to any girls who just want to get a kick out of it (or send it to their boyfriends perhaps?). If you have any other suggestions to add to the list, drop me a comment, i’d love to hear from you!

It was so long…It was just so long…

That’s what she said!

Nov
21


Hello all, my history essay from hell is finally over and handed in, so I once again have time to post something fun. As promised, this is a guide on how to buy a vibrator! Now, before you ask, I am quite experienced in the vibrator/dildo/sex toy department. I personally own five and have bought many more as gifts. In my opinion you can never have too many sex toys!  Here is a lovely list of things to think about when buying a vibrator, for the first time, or just in general.

Before you go

The first time I bought a vibrator I wasn’t planning on it, I just happened to walk into the Love Shop and bought one as a joke gift for a friend.

Sadly, that friend never actually received said vibrator because I got too curious and decided to try it out for myself.  Obviously this is not the best way to go about buying your first sex toy! Before you go you should have some kind of idea what you are looking for. Here are some things to consider;

What material?

There are about five basic materials that you can choose from (I’m ignoring the crazy expensive ones like glass and steel) silicon, hard plastic, jelly, latex and cyber skin. For your first vibrator, hard plastic or silicon is a must! Both materials are super easy to keep clean and don’t need any special storage. As a plus they also come in every shape, size and colour so you can find the perfect toy for you. My personal favourite toy is a plastic one, I love it because the hard material allows the vibrations to travel throughout the entire toy, instead of centralizing in one spot the way some of the softer materials tend to do.  If you absolutely MUST have one of the softer ones, be warned! Many of them can be damaged very easily by certain types of lube, can be made of something you could be allergic to, need to be stored in special conditions, even when cleaned after every use, can smell pretty funky, and if you get a cheap one, might even break after a couple of months.  On the other hand, they do feel pretty darn good. Use your own judgment; no one knows what’s best for you, except you!

What Size?

If you are a little scared of buying a sex toy, perhaps it is best to start off with something small and discreet. The kind of thing that if your roommate, or (god forbid!) your parent found, they wouldn’t immediately be scandalized by. In that case, go with something small like a bullet vibrator. If, on the other hand you aren’t worried about things like that, go for something you know will get you off. For example, do you prefer clitoral or G-spot stimulation? If you prefer clitoral then something small will do the trick. If you like G-spot better, then you need something longer and more versatile, possibly with a shape made specifically for your G-spot. BUT… why choose one or the other? Get a vibrator that does both, that way you can switch it up and keep it interesting, or if you have never tried one or the other, then it’s perfect for some experimentation!

Strength of Vibrations?

This one is important; fortunately, most sex shops are perfectly happy to take something out of it’s package and let you check it out in detail before you buy it. Here you have to ask yourself, do I like light touches, or firm ones? If you like light touches get a vibrator without too much power. On the other hand if you prefer stronger ones get something that will give you that. Personally, I’m somewhere in between, I like to start off light and then move into hard. Because of this I always get vibrators with multiple speed settings. That way, if you want to ramp yourself up slowly, or if you aren’t sure what you like, you have lots of options. I suggest at least three speeds.

Waterproof?

Now, I know lots of girls like to masturbate in the shower, either with their hands of the showerhead. This allows a certain amount of privacy, since no one can hear you, and you can lock the door.  Because of this, most of my friends prefer to buy waterproof vibrators. If you are this kind of person go for it! If not, remember, the warmer the temperature of a woman, the easier it is for her to orgasm (hint, hint). However, a small warning to you wet and wild women! Most toys (even ones that specifically say waterproof) are not meant to be completely submerged in water. Unless you have one that is meant for baths, don’t try your vibrator underwater!

Shopping alone?

For many girls the idea of buying a vibrator sounds absolutely mortifying and scary.  On the contrary, it should be a fun thing that you look forward to! To help with this, you may want to go with a buddy. Strength in numbers will make it feel less embarrassing to walk into a sex shop, and if they are the Sex and the City’s “Samantha” of your group, they may have some tips and tricks up their sleeve!

Caring for you Vibrator?

Once you’ve decided on your new friend, make sure you talk to the sales person about any special care requirements the toy might have. Also make sure to actually read the instructions that come with the toy. They tend to be rather helpful. There is absolutely nothing worse than having your beloved new vibrator break the third week in!

So that’s it folks, I hope this gives you the courage to go out there and buy yourself (or someone else!)  a fun new toy!

I usually get a 6 inch, but I’ll get a foot long if I’m feeling special…

That’s what she said!

Nov
06

This post is a beginners guide to having anal sex, but here is a fun anecdote about my own first experience.

So remember how I said I was going to convince G to do anal with me? Well it finally happened! As I predicted, it was awesome. I was a little worried about whether it would hurt or not, but after an initial ouch moment (because he accidentally went in too fast) it was really good, and G said he really liked it too (big surprise there!) because it’s much tighter.

I feel like most girls who have tried it have had a bad experience because they didn’t go about it right. For example, G and I talked about this for a while before hand, and I made sure there was lots of condoms and lube (a TON of lube) around.

I enjoyed the whole experience, but I think I’m gonna be saving anal for special occasions. It feels good, but not as good as vaginal sex. It ‘s the kind of thing I’d like to do once in a while because it’s fun, and a good way to change things up, but not all the time.

However! Before we tried anal, G and I were trying anal play with a lovely little vibrator I got from the stag shop. It looks something like this: http://www.stagshop.com/product.php?productid=59327&cat=462825&page=5 except purple and no jewels.

And I must say, having the vibe up the back door, and G inside was the next level of amazing. The vibrations intensify the experience and bring it to a whole new level. In fact it feels almost too good, like, so intense that I almost couldn’t handle it. Plus your guy will absolutely love it. I’ve never actually managed to orgasm just from penetration, but I think if I get to experiment with this some more I might be able to accomplish it!

In case anyone was wondering if there were any after affects the next day, yes, there were. But nothing especially exciting. I had some soreness, but no more than I would have had if we’d been having crazy, or rough sex. So all in all, my first time trying anal was pretty awesome, and I am definitely going to do it again.

So now that you’ve heard all about my anal adventure I’m going to impart to you five tips and tricks to make your first time having anal sex as pleasurable and un-painful as possible!

THE ANAL SEX BIBLE

 


1. Anal play first!

This one is really important, because obviously not everyone is open to as many different types of sex as I am, especially girls. If you’re a guy trying to convince you’re girl friend to try anal with you, the trick is to show her how good it can feel long before you go anywhere near her back door with your dick. If you’re a girl, you deserve to have a guy who will make the, slightly scary, idea of anal sex easier to wrap you mind around. Personally, long before G and I were a couple, I was experimenting with anal stimulation during my masturbating. This is a good thing to do, since just like masturbating it’s easier if you try it out on yourself first. In fact, you don’t actually have to have anything in there to have it feel good, just pressing on the anal opening can be exciting. On to the business at hand! Once you’re comfortable with touching, move onto something that vibrates, aka, you’re vibrator. Just press the opening lightly while the vibrator is on, it’ll feel amazing. Next comes penetration. Here I’m going to give you three steps that you can use for whatever anal penetration you’re going to try. First we’ll start with one finger.

A) Have you’re partner press one finger (or whatever they’re using for penetration) gently and SLOWLY in.  They’ll hit your sphincter almost immediately. (More about this in tip number 3. relax)

B) Talk to your partner about what feels good and make sure to let them know if they’re hurting you, or going too fast. YOU must be the one who controls the speed; otherwise you’ll have a bad experience.

C) Once past your sphincter they’ve passed the first hurdle and can begin to carefully experiment by pulling in and out and/or moving their fingers around.

And voila! Those are the three steps. Easy, eh?

Once you’ve conquered one, it’s time to move onto multiple fingers! Follow the same steps you used for one finger.  If you and your partner are both totally comfortable with fingers and are ready to move on to greater things, now is the time to pull out the vibrator/butt plug!!! This one is tricky because you might have to buy a new vibrator specifically for this (I did) because your other ones are too big.

(*Side note* I’ll be posting later about buying vibrators, so if you aren’t sure what to look for, keep checking back here for more vibrator tips and tricks!)

Have your partner lube your anus AND the vibrator. Once that’s accomplished, you can go at it. Make sure to follow the steps!  This one is particularly fun because once you get used to having the vibrator up there, you can do awesome things like “double penetration” where your guy is having vaginal sex with you, while the vibrator is up your backdoor! It’s the most amazing feeling for both of you.  Also good, is having him go down on you while the vibrator is up there. It takes the orgasm to a whole new level.

2. Lube, lube, lube, and when you think you have enough, lube some more.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Use lube for everything. When you think you have enough, put on three times more.  Also make sure that you use water based lube because if your vibrator (or your condom!) is made out of certain types of material, some kinds of lubes can ruin them. And no one wants that!

I also suggest that the first time you buy lube you buy it from a sex shop instead of shopper’s drug mart. Mostly because if you aren’t sure about something when you’re buying the lube, you can easily just ask one of the clerks and they will tell you everything you could ever want to know about it.

3. Relax, young grasshopper

This one is absolutely key! If you aren’t relaxed you’re going to have a very painful experience. For anyone who doesn’t know this, you’re sphincter is a ring of muscles around the opening of your anus. You actually have two rings of muscles (aka two sphincters) but you can only control the outer one. So if you’re really nervous or tense you’ll still run into problems even if you relax your outer one. Your partner is going to have to push through this ring of (surprisingly strong) muscles before they can actually penetrate. There are breathing exercises you can do with your partner that are easy to find online if you’re really having difficulty, but honestly, I believe that if you follow step 1 (anal play first!) you won’t have too much of a problem. Plus if you’re so scared that you absolutely cannot relax, maybe you should be re-evaluating you decision to try anal.

4. Communication

This step is also very important, possible THE MOST important. Make sure you do this with a partner who actually cares about your pleasure and whether they are hurting you.  Describe to your partner exactly what you are feeling (make a game out of it if you want, games like that can be very rewarding for both of you), and make sure that they know the steps in advance so there are no miscommunications.

5. Poop!

Pretty much obvious. Poop before hand. This may be a little harder than it sounds (that’s what she said!) because pooping on demand is not always easy.  But let me assure you, you really don’t want to accidentally “let loose” half way through.  If you’re having trouble pooping before hand, it might be your diet. Apparently it’s easier poo if you eat stuff like fiber and veggies and fruit. That could be your problem right there.

So there you have it!  The anal sex bible, brought to you by girlsarehornytoo. Because we are, horny that is.

If I stop now, I’ll never finish…

That’s what she said!